Courage, soldier. England's side might be heading into the third Ashes Test already 2-0 down, however some remain in English cricket is fazed. Exists one unit tailor-made for such a situation, a dedicated unit who consider themselves the ultimate masters of adversity. Have your dreams been shattered? Are you crushed beneath the pressure of failed hopes? Well then, enlist with the Barmy Army.
Already, their first wave are moving in on Adelaide, the city where they officially formed 30 years ago. England's most famous – and per capita most vocal – tourist followers will be anticipating an celebratory against-all-odds victory, similar to the one they saw on that 1994-95 tour. And whatever happens on the pitch, away from the field the parties will be long and loud.
"The on-field action been extremely disappointing," he admits, "however we're the lucky ones, because we're on holiday. It's probably harder for the people at home."
Despite a spectacular team failure can't shake this band of hardened veterans. They've been enduring England's batting collapse since prior to many current players took the field. They've seen more dropped catches than key pacemen have international dismissals. Their touring history as an Ashes touring group is: played 37, lost 27, won 6. If anyone understand how to endure a clean sweep, it's the founding members.
Certainly, if you're watching, the Barmy Army are seen to be all over during this Ashes. TV directors at the grounds often appear more interested in the Barmies than on their own fans. Broadcasters frequently use them as banter-primed lead-in to a day's play. Even the athletes on the field are heralding them, as a fan dressed as a monarch leading a rendition of a patriotic song.
It's possible that the Barmy Army's mix of history and omnipresence has now overshadowed quite how extraordinary their takeover of tourist following has been. Three decades ago a handful followers were drawn together in good-natured humour about failure at England's woeful away record. Today their legacy is so intertwined with the national team that their vibrant, "maverick" crowd is virtually an accepted institution. They've undoubtedly come a long way since the initial chants.
One founding member recalls the buoyant hope of the opening day of that pioneering tour. After the Australians on top, he led a small conga in the stands, provoking the locals with a tune about historical figures. "Home supporters jeered at us, then threw rubbish – the treatment that we occasionally encounter today," he remembers. "Yet when we got back our little group of England followers had all joined in."
After defeat, England's tour suffered more defeats. Those following the team around the country must have been truly dedicated. By the time the Melbourne and Sydney matches their numbers had swelled to the hundreds. The squad, however, truly appreciated their noise at the grounds. When England managed a face-saving victory, a team captain summoned a fan leader up to the team balcony to lead the celebrations. This connection has endured.
But then, the significant volume the Barmy Army can muster are as attractive to the sport as they are to international stadiums. At this Ashes alone, their travel packages will accommodate thousands of paying travellers. All kinds of celebrations are organised for the 30th anniversary.
This is, after all, an group born of fan enthusiasm and commercial nous. The logic they trace their origin to a particular match is because that was when they started offering souvenir shirts. The first small batch was so immediately successful – and profitable – that it launched a thriving business. Since then, the co-founders have helped turn a pub-based supporters into an major tour operator.
That carries its own issues, especially at a time when sport is attempting to move beyond some of its lads-lads-lads image. The Barmy Army's leadership are keen to point out that a significant portion of their clientele are now women. As norms evolve, the chants have had to get less offensive, too. "Language that you'd say 30 years ago you must avoid now, and that's as it should be," says a director. "We can't tell someone how to behave in their own space, but we do not endorse songs that are insulting."
Could the Barmy Army become more sedate? The mean age of fans is now in middle age – mirroring the pioneers, who have been happy to distance themselves from the management. One founder is savouring this tour purely as a supporter – leaving newer staff to populate the Barmy Army's online channels. "You forget how challenging it used to be to organise with each other," he laughs. "It was all done all by meeting up – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
Turning to the current contest, the unlikely scenario of a 3-2 turnaround persists, which is classic Barmy Army indeed. In the event England do lose in Adelaide … well, South Africa next Christmas is always an option.