A Guide to Talk Romance Like Generation Z: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Words for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {